When Kamala Harris faceplants into an electoral defeat against Donald Trump, she’ll have only herself to thank. Truly, a one-woman show of political ineptitude.
We struggled to settle on the perfect headline for this article. Our second favorite to the current one above was:
Kamala Harris: The Undisputed Champion of Losing
The other Top Ten contenders are at the end of the article. Let us know your favorite in the comments below. But regardless…
Whose Fault Was It That Kamala Lost?
Ah, the existential question. Democrats, wringing their hands on November 6, will ask, “Whose fault was this train wreck?” It’s worth noting that a question can also be a thinly veiled accusation. Cicero perfected this art when he grilled Catiline with machine-gun-like queries: Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? Roughly translated: “How long are you going to make us suffer through this mess?”
For Harris, the adaptation might go something like: “How long, Kamala, will you exhaust our patience and ruin our chances?” A Cicero-level roast is overdue.
Your Finances Are Nothing to Run From
Our noble media, ever the impartial observers, has milked this election like it’s the last cash cow in the barn. “The race is close!” they cry, clinging to the fantasy that Harris vs. Trump is a thrilling match. But by mid-October, the truth was as visible as Harris’s teleprompter at her “off-the-cuff” town hall.
Speaking of disasters, let’s review her interviews. She graced 60 Minutes and Bret Baier with performances so catastrophic that CBS had to Frankenstein-edit her responses to make them intelligible. Even then, they refused to release the unedited transcript, presumably to spare her campaign further humiliation.
And then there was the town hall. An event designed to show she’s “just like us,” but which only proved she’s really, really good at reading. Off a teleprompter. While pretending it’s spontaneous. Who knew relatability could be so… scripted?
And speaking of disasters, some wondered: Can someone with such “financial sophistication” really run the nation? Cue the predictable cries of: “But she’s pro-choice, and Trump is killing thousands of women!”
How to Lose Catholic Voters: From the Fry Station to the Frying Pan
Skipping the Al Smith dinner—the Catholic event of the election season—was Harris’s next genius move. Catholics, who account for over 20% of voters, were treated to a pre-recorded video so bland that even plain toast found it dull. Meanwhile, Trump waltzed in, delivered his speech, and reminded everyone that the last candidate to skip the dinner was Walter Mondale. Mondale, for those keeping score, lost 49 states in 1984. Subtle.
Then came Harris’s pièce de résistance: claiming she worked the fry station at McDonald’s. No record of this exists, but hey, who’s fact-checking? Naturally, Trump swooped into a Pennsylvania McDonald’s, flipped some fries, and served customers at the drive-through, turning Harris’s dubious claim into marketing gold. The Left howled in indignation, but even they had to admit: the man knows how to troll.
Harris, doubling down, insists her fry-station saga is true. Sure, Kamala. And I’m the CEO of Taco Bell.
Defeat Is an Orphan, but Kamala Has Parents
JFK famously quipped, “Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan.” Not in Harris’s case. Her campaign’s impending implosion has already inspired an Olympic-level blame game. The staff didn’t try hard enough. The media was too mean. Bret Baier dared to ask actual questions. And, of course, Trump—always Trump—described by Harris as “Hitler,” “a fascist,” and the Grim Reaper of democracy itself.
But let’s be honest: no one outside Harris’s echo chamber believes that nonsense. Even those who buy into the rhetoric can see the obvious. The person most responsible for this train wreck is… Kamala Harris. She has managed to outdo every bad candidate in history, leaving even Walter Mondale nodding in admiration from his political grave.
The Final Bow: A Masterclass in Electoral Faceplants
On November 5, the curtain will fall not just on Harris’s campaign but on any lingering illusions of competence. Her defeat will be studied for generations—not as a tragedy, but as a case study in how not to campaign.
In the end, there’s something almost poetic about it. Kamala Harris, the candidate who proved that the only thing more painful than her campaign was watching it unfold.
Kamala Harris didn’t just revive Mondale’s legacy—she turned it into an Olympic sport.
Top 10 Alternate Headlines
We just couldn’t choose our favorite headline—each one captures a different shade of this campaign’s glorious implosion. Which of the following would YOU have chosen? Let us know in the comments below:
- Kamala Harris: Walter Mondale’s Legacy Reimagined as Performance Art
- Kamala Harris: Walter Mondale’s Legacy Lives On in New, Unimproved Form
- From McDonald’s Fries to Electoral Fumbles: Kamala Harris Channels Her Inner Mondale
- Kamala Harris: A Mondale for the Modern Era, but Without the Charm
- History Repeats Itself: Kamala Harris Rediscovers Mondale’s Roadmap to Electoral Oblivion
- Kamala Harris and Walter Mondale: A Tale of Two Campaign Collapses
- Kamala Harris: Outspending Trump, Outfailing Mondale
- Mondale 2.0: Kamala Harris Updates the Template for Losing Big
- Kamala Harris’s Campaign: Walter Mondale, But With a Teleprompter
- Kamala Harris Channels Walter Mondale—And Somehow Makes It Look Worse
Again, let us know your favorite headline below—because let’s be honest, this might be the only vote Kamala actually wins.
Tara Dodrill is a self-reliance author, educator, and patriot homesteader in Appalachia. She studied journalism at Ohio University and previously served several terms as a town council member in her hometown. Dodrill worked as the editor of her county's newspaper before shifting her focus to writing books and hosting the largest hands-on homesteading, survival, and bushcraft annual event in the United States.
