Nobody is Watching… Not Even Liberals
Welp, the media apocalypse is here. Traditional liberal networks are crumbling, anchors are being shown the door, and the same talking heads who spent years smugly lecturing America from behind their million-dollar news desks are now polishing up their résumés. Turns out, when your entire business model relies on screaming “Democracy is in danger!” every night, eventually, people just roll their eyes and flip to something actually entertaining.
And here’s the kicker: Even liberals aren’t watching this stuff. Supporting their own media? Too boring. It’s much more fun to hate-watch Fox News, rage-scroll Twitter, and dunk on conservatives than to actually engage with their own side.
Because let’s be honest—liberal media is homework. It’s dry, self-important, and makes you feel like you’re stuck in an NPR pledge drive that never ends. No one wants to watch a progressive panel drone on about tax policy when they can just wait for someone on the right to say something dumb and then watch the internet explode over it.
Liberal media isn’t a movement—it’s a reaction. And reactions don’t pay the bills.
The Great Anchor Exodus: From Prime Time to Podcasting Desperation
Now, the same smug anchors who once told you how to think, how to vote, and why you should feel bad about everything (or, more accurately, why you should think exactly like them) are suddenly jobless.
So, what’s next for these media orphans? Oh, you know the drill. They’ll slap “independent journalist” in their Twitter bio, start a “brave new media project” that nobody reads, and jump into podcasting like the 47,000 other laid-off media figures who believe the world desperately needs their voice for an hour every day.
And let’s not forget the boldest among them—the ones who are now flirting with OnlyFans for political commentary. Because nothing says “dedicated to the truth” like a paywalled rant on why capitalism is evil (except, of course, the people funding my former network!).
Yesterday, they were sipping soy lattes in a plush newsroom, smugly informing the public about “misinformation.” Today? They’re filming TikToks from their studio apartments, illuminated by a $15 Amazon ring light, begging for subscribers.
“Hey guys! Welcome to my Patreon! Today, I’ll explain why billionaires are bad—except the ones who fund my new content empire!”
Beautiful. Absolutely poetic.
Where’s the Outrage? Where’s the Hashtag?
And here’s what’s really fascinating—nobody cares.
No marches, no viral hashtags, no Hollywood A-listers delivering emotional pleas to “Save CNN!” The very same crowd that protests every perceived injustice is suddenly radio silent when their own media empires implode.
Where are the protests for unemployed journalists? Where’s the “Support Ethical Journalism” movement? Where’s the GoFundMe for anchors who just lost their cushy six-figure gigs?
Oh right. There isn’t one.
Because the truth is, no one actually likes these networks. They were tolerated as long as they were useful, but the moment their ratings tanked, they became expendable.
And now, ex-anchors are waking up to a harsh reality: When you build an entire career on hating the other side instead of actually providing value, don’t be surprised when your audience disappears the moment your enemies stop paying attention.
Moral of the Story?
If your industry is built on hating the other side, don’t be shocked when you run out of people to hate—and out of money to pay your rent.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have an exclusive interview with an ex-anchor-turned-DoorDash-driver. Turns out, breaking news isn’t the only thing they’re delivering these days.
#WillAnchorForFood #NobodyIsWatching #HateWatchingDoesntPay #TryOnlyFansForNews
