The biggest cultural Rorschach test of 2025 is found at vogue.com, in Chanté Joseph’s “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing”. If this op-ed isn’t all over your social media algorithm, I’m shocked, but I’ll go ahead and give you the TLDR: we’ve reached a new cultural low where it is “fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend-girl.”
Joseph’s reflects on soft launches, cryptic photo dumps, and subtle relationship posts. She discusses a phenomenon that straight young women know all too well: having a boyfriend is cringey, cheugy even. For our readers who don’t have social media, this basically means that young women in love are hesitant to share that love with singles in their orbit. Straight influencers are tactful in how they present their relationships, worried about social consequences, online and in-person.
Straight relationships, once the societal default, have become emblematic of leftist hate and cultural change. “‘Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?’” “‘having a boyfriend typically takes a toll on a woman’s aura,’” two highly-liked comments from a popular influencer’s podcast read.
Whether it’s lost followers or social capital, having a boyfriend is now “contentious.” Being single is now “coveted,” from influencers all the way to the average late-modern woman.
In a generation where everyone’s walking on thin ice for something, worried about getting cancelled or being politically incorrect, admitting you’re a happy and in love woman can come with bleak social isolation and unwanted critique.
Why, how, what? Straight women in happy, loving relationships tiptoe through life, especially in urban areas, as if every straight couple walking around SOHO holding hands is personally responsible for the housing crisis and grocery store prices. It’s now safer to hide your partner than celebrate them, better to be miserable than fulfilled in a loving relationship.
This is the most recent victory of misguided feminized culture: the belief that womanly freedom means isolation, empowerment means rejecting heterosexual intimacy. For young women, this embarrassment of boyfriends–of tradition, family life, and giving yourself to someone–is explained in part by social media, but more largely, by a potentially destructive cultural shift: hyper-independence, curated misery, and heternormative fragility instead of long-lasting love.
The truth? A “feminized” woman must still perform to prove to assert her independence. What’s changed? The correct performance is now a rejection of heternormative romantic happiness, standing in the miserable stream-of-now.
The State of Affairs: Keep Your Affairs Private
Joseph’s hypothesis is clear: “To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.” Anecdotally, my algorithm attests to this. In response to Joseph’s article, my TikTok has seen a myriad of girls referencing the Vogue piece, every commentary gleaning something different.
The consensus isn’t quite clear. “If your boyfriend’s a loser, it’s embarrassing, but if it’s a healthy relationship that builds you up, then it’s not embarrassing. It’s just not chic.” “Media literacy is GONE. The article is LITERALLY saying that men just aren’t a status symbol anymore, and that’s a good thing.” “So, I guess I’m not as cool as I used to be now.” “Clearly people just read the title and not the article.” “This article is so short and lacking depth, and all these conservatives are taking it like scripture.” “Time to break up with my boyfriend if I want to be cool again.”
The cultural polemics continue to unfold across the digital sphere. In a mixture of satire, critique, critique of critique, and critique of critique or critique, the Internet continues to rage over whether boyfriends are embarrassing. (And the part of the debate saying this is unequivocally a good thing is, well, embarrassing.)
The way Chanté Joseph characterizes this powerful anthropological shift is almost as if women have somehow been liberated from the atrocities inflicted by “Boyfriend Land”. Joseph is careful to not add too much personal insight, though. In a playful way, with receipts from digital influencers, she reflects on the loss of heteronormativity. She expresses, “‘having a boyfriend’ will remain a somewhat fragile…concept within public life.”
And this is true–what used to be extolled and desirable now teeters on cringe. The cool girl’s boyfriend is no longer a badge of honor; he’s a branding hazard.
Taylor Swift: A Case Study into How Society Feels about Happiness
As always, we can use the latest Taylor Swift album as a cultural thermometer. Heartbreak sells; stable, straight happiness fumbles. (Travis Kelce pun intended.) Swift’s album, beaming with happy, bouncy love songs about Kelce, missing the darkness and pain of her previous records, met harsh criticism online.
Swift’s no longer “haunted,” meaning she doesn’t fit into young women’s collective suffering. In this way, The Life of a Showgirl zooms in on the absurdity of modern feminism: Swift’s happiness isn’t a metaphor for closeted sadness. She’s just…happy. And happy isn’t relatable, not in a generation of women who want more reasons to hate men together.
Stable, joy-filled relationships used to be desirable, or at least neutral. Now, especially in pop culture, they’re provocative. So, what’s taken the place of love? Fun. Enjoyment. Pleasure. Likes, swipes, ephemeral connection.
Investing in someone else isn’t sexy. It’s totally not feminist. It’s beyond that–it’s uncool.
Prioritizing Fun: Why Culture’s Killing Romance
In a podcast that Joseph references–Delusional Diaries, hosted by Jaz and Halley, two popular New-Yorked based influencers with millions of followers–we see another anthropological shift. This single-loving generation doesn’t want the economic freedom or capital that second-wave feminism offered; they want fun. Lack of accountability, high reward and high risk, cherry-picking lifestyles; being single is about shifting towards enjoyment and pleasure, not owning one’s own identity.
In an October episode of the podcast titled “single vs. taken”, Jaz and Halley discuss, “It’s like, there is just something that you can never get back about being single and going out…It’s like the lore of that could be built.” They continue, “Just being like, oh my God, I could end up at this random guy’s apartment till five in the morning and oh my God, his apartment’s this crazy penthouse and this is so fun. Then you never meet again.”
The conclusion? The single generation wants to do things “for the plot.” The lure and appeals of romance–of finding your forever partner and building a life together–pale in comparison to the thrill of quick, casual encounters.
Look, there’s no shame in wanting to have fun. These youthful, memorable moments certainly bring joy and good coffee shop conversations. I remember the salacious late-night conversations with girlfriends about their rendezvous and hilarious hiccups with men they would never see again. It’s fun, yes. However, should modern feminism strive for fun?
Despite what Cyndy Lauper might think, I don’t think girls only want to have fun.
Searching for fun, cool, and trendy has led women down a rabbit hole of loneliness and isolation. In striving for being single and independent, in intentionally avoiding the joys that come with partnership and family life, women are less fulfilled and less happy. The “fun” that comes with these short-term conquests includes “feelings of embarrassment, loss of self-respect, and sexual regret,” for both men and women.
Will We Keep Attacking Tradition? At What Cost?
Let’s circle back to that political podcast comment: “‘Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?’” I can guess why.
The media’s selective framing of romance and motherhood contributes to this anti-love narrative as well. The perception holds that married women aren’t happy. However, recent data suggests the opposite: married mothers are the happiest group of women. Married women, with or without children, are more likely than their unmarried counterparts to say that “life is enjoyable most or all of the time.”
Married women are nearly half as likely as unmarried women to report loneliness. While it might sell on social media to depict married women as isolated and miserable, the truth is that married women–with or without children–find equal, if not greater, fulfillment in their lives through social engagement and friendship, as well as through “volunteer work, church attendance, and community connections.”
But, Partners Are a Lot of Work, So…
Given, the frustration with the modern boyfriend isn’t entirely unfounded. Many modern men aren’t ready to commit to their girlfriends and offer a solid partnership based on mutual respect and trust. The recent TikTok trend–”Bare Minimum versus Princess Treatment”–exposes men’s uncertainty about what being a good partner looks like.
TLDR on the trend for our older folks: this trend interviews young men, asking them if something is “bare minimum” (what a boyfriend should do no matter what) or “princess treatment” (something that shouldn’t be considered the norm). These prompts typically include paying for meals, opening the car door, pumping a girlfriend’s gas, buying flowers just because, etc.
The findings? Many of the interviewees are hella nervous. They answer cautiously. If they don’t want to say “princess treatment,” they’ll smile at the screen awkwardly and say something like, “I’m going to get cancelled for this one.” Men don’t want to mess up, because the social repercussions are devastating.
Don’t get me wrong: men have a duty to be better partners. Men cheat more, and according to women, men just “‘can’t.’” Women want men, but argue that men don’t get women’s wants or needs. According to The New York Times, “Women are so fed up with dating men that the phenomenon even has a name: heterofatalism.”
The Carrie Bradshaw-Big saga continues affecting women today–(some) women want to be loved, but men don’t get them. This disconnect between the sexes is growing, responsible for less coupling up, lower birth rates, more divorce, and overall, the crumbling of American family life.
It’s not just that men don’t get women–men and women don’t get each other. “Heterofatalism” is a two-way street.
Considering that a husband’s emotional engagement in a partnership is the strongest predictor of a wife’s marital happiness, and women are statistically more likely to tolerate cheating and bad relationship behaviors, men have to step up to be more present and emotionally available. The tendency for women to be skeptical about hard-launching relationships isn’t about women performing. It’s about men, too.
But, should we blame men entirely or should we blame the larger cultural framework? As I mentioned in an article earlier this year, boys–and men–don’t know how to be. Men should be soft, but just soft enough; strength only works in moderation. Being too strong is toxic–weakness is performative. Hold doors and pay for bills, but too much politeness connotes sexism. Navigating this awkward liminal space where good enough isn’t good enough, unless you’re a man who can play by the ever-changing rules, results in men who aren’t good partners, not due to lack of trying but lack of support.
It Must’ve Been Love, But It’s Over Now… Or Is It?
The paradox is clear: the path for happiness has never been harder for women. What feminists have branded as empowerment pushes women into an unwinnable spiral: we want connection, but we’re conditioned to fear it. Will social capital decrease if we get into a serious relationship and settle down in our 20s? Will we look less cool if we give ourselves to a man instead of to short-term thrill? Will we lose followers if we post about our boyfriends? Are we less valuable to coworkers and employers if we’re attached?
If we admit the feminist dream is failing us, are we bad women?
Despite the trends, the rules, and the cultural rhythms, women can’t deny the joy of being loved. A fulfilling life is built on connection, plain and simple. Fun isn’t what feminists fight for; true femininity requires blending independence with our gender’s nurturing, loving spirit.
And in light of all the hetero hate, women deserve to own what’s in our hearts and search for emotional intimacy and partnership. It’s okay to be happy. Contentment isn’t a crime. We don’t have to substitute connection for cheap thrills and loneliness.
In this feminist world marketing detachment, love is the ultimate rebellion.
